The age-old argument is that once passion is gone from a relationship, it can not be regained. It suggests that once people have disconnected from a relationship, they are no longer vested in it, physically or mentally. They just go with the flow, break up, separate, or divorce. But how do you bring back the passion if you decide to remain in the relationship?
Start by being physically and mentally present in your relationship, partnership, or marriage. When you are fully present, you are more aware of what your partner needs or expects from you. You can also start to express your wants and needs as interpretation is subjective. Before you start to express your wants and needs, you need to fully understand what you would like from your partner. You also need to know how to communicate what your wants and needs are. Once you know what your needs and wants are, it is time to communicate this to your partner.
When communicating with your partner, it is imperative that you use your ‘I’ messages. Your ‘I’ messages are your way of communicating what you need. When you use your ‘I’ messages, it lessens the chance that the other person feels like your needs not being met is their fault. This may or may not be true, but the point in communicating with your ‘I’ messages is for the other person not to feel attacked. For instance, instead of saying to your partner something like “You really annoy me when you talk like that!”, you could say “When you talk to me in that tone, I really feel hurt and angry”
Don’t set conditions
People can start by recreating an atmosphere of love, understanding, respect, and positive communication. The aim is to love the person, even if you dislike their actions. This is the true meaning of loving someone unconditionally. Do not set conditions or ‘when … then’ moments to your partnership. A condition means if your partner behaves a certain way, you will act a particular way. An example could be, say your partner always arrives late from work on the days you told him you’re cooking a special dinner. In those cases, you feel super annoyed and instead of talking to him about it, you just give him the silent treatment …. When he insists to know “what’s wrong”, you just snap and say something like “well, if you want me to be nice at dinner, maybe you should stop arriving later”. Those types of behaviors only drive couples apart and can make the partnership unrepairable.
Have the conversation and move forward
Now that you have learned how to communicate with your partner, have the conversation and do your part. Start sending or leaving little love notes or love letters for your partner. If one of your issues is bringing back intimacy into the relationship, then plan ahead. Send your partner little snippets of what they can expect from you. Create the build-up and the excitement of being intimate with your partner. Do your part, prepare and leave the past in the past. You are moving forward with an open mind. If things do not go as you planned, learn from what went wrong, adjust and try again. Be patient and trust the process as you both are a work in progress. Remember, perfection is for the movies.
- Understand what it is you would like to receive
- Be clear in your messaging by utilizing your ‘I’ messages
- Be respectful when communicating
- Do not impose conditions and ‘when, then’ moments
- Communicate and have regular check-in sessions to adjust your needs going forward
With a sincere hope that passion returns to your intimate relationship with a touch of Goddess Spice to make it last.
And if you are still looking for “the one” you can learn a bit more about dating at any age. Also, read up on how to improve your sex life during peri-menopause, menopause, and post-menopause.
Your Spice Goddess, Ms. Amy Arrindell.
Lifestyle. Mental Wellbeing. Women’s Empowerment.
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