“Are you making things harder for yourself than necessary? Sometimes all our efforts to move forwards are actually counterproductive, and are in fact making things worse. Maybe you’re creating a ball and chain attached to your ankle, rather than the amazing future you want. If you’re fed up of being stuck, read on.”
In our modern society, we are taught that action is the way to go. We think that if you want change, you need to set goals, make plans, and then take action.
All of this is, of course, absolutely true, and without goals, plans and actions nothing will happen. However, there’s another side to the coin that we often forget…
The laws of physics
There’s a universal law that the more you push something the more resistance you get back – remember your school physics lessons? This works in subtle energetic terms as well as in the physics lesson.
You might already know that I started off my career as a conventional physical scientist. And I mean truly conventional. I worked with scanning electron microscopes, metallurgical grinding machines, mechanical testing machines, lecture theatres, research proposals, the works! Goodness that was a long time ago!
You’d have thought with such a background that I might have had some clue about how to avoid this mistake. Alas, if I’m honest I was probably the worst example of this in the whole history of creation.
Here’s the problem. Say we want a particular change in our lives – to get a new job, new relationship, release a health problem. We set our goal and start using all our holistic and energetic techniques to get that change. We do the affirmations, clear the blocks, visualise our future self, run our healing energies, as well as taking the physical actions needed to get our results. Sounds perfect.
HOWEVER, here’s the issue. If you don’t see results immediately, you think you’re not trying hard enough, so you redouble your efforts. Before you realise it you’ve locked yourself into a punishing regime of constant forcing. Why? Because when you start pushing very hard in one direction, the resistance kicks in. Basically, when you push too much, you lock the whole thing up and nothing moves. You feel stuck and frustrated. So you push harder. And, you know what, when you push harder you make it even worse.
You’re forcing instead of nurturing.
What you create is a never-ending vicious cycle or self-sabotage. Result – only more frustration, exhaustion, burnout, and you never get what you want.
The problem with pushing
When we are busy pushing in one direction we are imposing our rigid specifications for the result, the timescale and the way it is going to come about. This is limited by our life experience, and what our brain can imagine. If we impose these things on the energetic process, we may very well be shutting down the creation process altogether! Always remember that the universe has infinite parameters to work with, infinitely more than our little human brains. What if the universe had something 10 times better in store for us? But because it was coming to us via a different route, perhaps we block that energy unwittingly. If we impose our plan and insist upon it, we can miss that opportunity and get nothing. If we are constantly pushing and forcing something, there is no time for it to respond. There is no time for the magic to happen.
But don’t despair, because a simple shift in attitude can turn everything around.
If you want to truly co-create a different future with the universe, you need to give the universe room to move and do its magic.
Plant a seed
So, instead of pushing relentlessly in one direction, think of it like growing a seed. You plant the seed and give it all that it needs to thrive, and then you let go and relax. You give the seed time to germinate and start to grow. When it becomes a little shoot, you can tend to it, see if it needs something new. You can admire it, talk to it, decide the best place to put the plant-pot. Then you allow it to grow and thrive. That’s the way to get beautiful blossoms.
Now, I’m no gardener – as my husband will readily tell you. But the analogy holds good to anything you want to seed and grow in life. Take this attitude with your creations, your dreams and goals. Allow them to blossom in an organic way, without you pushing all the time, and your results will astonish you.
It took me a very long time to learn this lesson. I’ll admit it’s still a challenge to let go and allow things to flow, but I’m much better than I used to be.
The key to co-creating the future you really want is to stop pushing. Yes, set your goals, and take action, but at the same time think about easing off the pressure. Put yourself in the role of the gardener, not the task-master and allow the magic to happen. This is the way to open up the flow of help, resources, inspiration, opportunities, love, money or whatever else you want to create.
Dr. Anne Whitehouse
Lifestyle. Mental Wellbeing. Women’s Empowerment.
Photo by Daniel Oberg.