Born a control freak
People who have known me all my life will say: “who is she to be talking about this?” Why now? Because, as women, we are entering and living one of the most crucial stages of change in our life. If we do not learn to let go of control, we will not appreciate this stage.
Since I was a child, I felt security while I was in control of each situation. I liked to know where I was going, who I was going to be with and even what clothes I should wear. If some aspect changed along the way, it was very difficult for me to be calm. Instead, I was already plotting a way to get everything under control again. It was when, as an adult, I began to gain independence and got married, that my world turned upside down.
Responsibilities changed my life
Responsibilities grew and keeping control of each situation became increasingly difficult. When my children arrived, I really felt that I could not carry all that weight on my back. To add insult to injury, and as life always wants to teach you, I married a wonderfully imperfect man. A man who paints outside the lines and laughs at problems. A man who shouts excitedly: “Get it wrong!” He applauds me when I do, while all I want is to beat myself up for making a mistake. A man who constantly reminds me: stop correcting everything! My Yang, my opposite, the mirror that reflected me and made me see myself. My great teacher in the art of “letting go”. Obviously, rather than meeting my better half, I found a very spicy chili pepper. It has not been easy, but no important learning in life is.
Starting from the premise that control goes hand in hand with perfection, many women think and feel the pressure that we must be “perfect”. Perfect at home, perfect at work, maintain a perfect body, be the perfect mother, the perfect wife, the perfect lover, the perfect friend, the perfect daughter. And we load ourselves with roles and responsibilities always attached to per-fec-tion. Now, let’s admit that no matter how “perfect” we think we are, we will never be perfect to everyone, precisely because on the other side there will always be someone who doesn’t let go of control. Can you see how the vicious cycle continues?
In addition, for a woman who feels that she must fulfill the roles that she, or society, has imposed on her, it is very difficult to let go of control. It is a complex issue. Letting go involves dealing with guilt, trusting others, accepting mistakes and failures, even the disappointment of seeing others do better than us. But once we really let go, we give others the opportunity to develop and demonstrate their abilities. We learn to see beyond what our gaze reaches. We realize that what we have always considered wrong is simply another way of doing things.
Having everything under control can give us a false feeling of tranquility and peace. We may think that we can always have the upper hand, but there is always a “but”. What happens when a situation arises that we cannot control? That’s when Troy burns! Anxiety floods us, and the desperation of looking for a way to achieve control of that situation drives us crazy. There are even moments when we get hooked on events that have not yet happened. We create a movie in our minds with all the possible solutions to all the possible problems that could arise, including all variables and trying not to leave any loose ends.
What should you do?
Let go and trust that when the time comes for us to act, we will do it in the right way.
Wanting to have everything under control is exhausting. We end up struck down and overwhelmed. We can’t be happy carrying that burden.
Include others in the movie
Delegating is including others in the movie. Give them the opportunity to be protagonists too. Allow them to shine and develop their talents while we let go and enjoy extra time and less stress. We lighten the load and the pressure that we put on ourselves every day. For this, it is very important to learn to trust. Trust is a verb with great power that will allow us to enjoy life with all its imperfections. Enjoy the beauty of the imperfect. Let go of control! Let go of perfection and let yourself be amazed!
Do you need help to let go? Inhale essential oils of lavender, bergamot and grapefruit. They will make you feel balanced, optimistic and confident to take this big step and flow.
Writing this article has already been a great effort for me to let go. “If I could…” so can you! Fill in the dots and complete the sentence with your decision.
Mary Carmen Zaidan.