“Regrets – we all have them – that incident that replays endlessly in your brain. It can literally be torture, when there’s something you can never change, but wish beyond anything you could. Regrets undermine and sabotage your life. Quite simply they are the poison that blocks your progress on so many levels.”
When my daughter, Rebecca, died suddenly at the age of 7, I was plagued with terrible regrets. What I had said, what I had done, what I hadn’t done, on her last night. If I had known it was her last evening on earth I would have been so different. I would give ANYTHING to change those last hours.
Now, I could spend the whole of the rest of my life agonising over how I wish things had been different that day. But what does that achieve for anyone, other than bring me down and stifle everything that I can create in my own life and in the world.
Unfortunately, not only is this the normal human reaction to past events, but it’s also a trap. When we allow ourselves to become fixated on regrets – whether it be that failed relationship, that argument, that missed opportunity or words and deeds we wish we could undo – we lock ourselves into a non-resolving loop of doom. Lock is the word. Once we are in, it’s very hard to extricate ourselves.
Life is about moving forwards, looking to the future, improving ourselves and aspiring to do our best and create a better world – or at least it is in my opinion!
When we are stuck in an energy of regret, this becomes endless punishment. Not only do we keep looking backwards to stuff that can never be changed, but this energy of punishment brings down our vibration and so shuts down our abundance, our happiness and joy, and ultimately everything that makes life worth living.
So, what is the solution to this dilemma? Well, the key is to change the way we are looking at things. Life isn’t about punishing ourselves, it’s about learning. So, ask yourself:
- What am I learning from that situation I’ve been torturing myself with?
- How could my behaviour or reaction have been better?
- What wisdom can I take away from this experience?
- How has going through this made me a better person?
- Has this shown me how to be kinder, more patient, more compassionate?
- If I was in a similar situation in the future, how would I act differently?
- Do I really need to keep reliving or recreating this situation to learn these things? Or is this enough for me to get the message?
These are the higher lessons you are gaining from the regret. When you bring this learning into your being, you can move forward taking the wisdom with you, and leaving the baggage behind.
Imagine these learnings sinking down deep into your subconscious mind. Meditate on the wisdom. Breathe the lessons in. Visualise them becoming part of your base programming. Mentally mark it as ‘complete’ and then move on.
The truth is that on my little girl’s last evening on earth, I was a normal tired mother on a normal school day. When all is said and done, perhaps that is the perfect thing – perfect that she thought everything was normal. Even if I fell far short of what I’d like to have been for her, our many close and special moments during her 7 short years made her know how loved and treasured she was.
And me? Well the best I can do for her now is not to punish myself for what I didn’t do, but make sure what I do now is the best I can.
Let your regrets become your teacher, not your torturer, and free yourself to live once more.