The typical discomforts or pains in the menopause are pain regarding the menstrual cycle, weight gain, heat waves, heart palpitations, insomnia, mood swings, vaginal dryness, incontinence or bladder problems, loss of libido, joint pain, hair and skin problems, osteoporosis, bleedings, and depression.
But not all women suffer during that time: about one third has no problems at all, one third has light discomforts, while one third has severe problems. The organism starts to switch from the reproduction stage to the phase of wisdom. This is entirely natural and no grounds for worries and even less a problem unless one makes one out of it. This is a time which the woman needs to reconcile with herself. The only thing important for the man is that he needs to be aware of this phase.
Lately the natural developmental phases of all humans, especially those of the woman are pathologized. However, like every other development phase the menopause is simply a natural phase. Instead of celebrating the fact that the woman reaches the stage of wisdom, she is made to be the victim of her hormones. She is therefore stripped of her strength (again?).
People gladly blame any emotional problems on the hormonal changes. This may be true to a certain degree. There is however another aspect which wants to be seen in this stage. If the woman, and this is sadly often the case, is disrupted in her natural evolution as a woman, she develops stronger and heavier physical and psychological problems during the phases of menstruation, pregnancy, and menopause. If the girl hears time and time again for example that she was not wanted or that she was supposed to be a boy, if she has experienced violence from the father and/or mother, especially because she is a girl, if she has experienced abuse being either of psychological of sexual nature, then the development of the female soul is severely disrupted. According to our experience the most serious injuries or damage to the soul of the child is experiencing violence in the childhood. This goes from a simple slap in the face or on the bottom to severe physical mistreatment or beatings.
The woman will be able to compensate these emotional wounds for a time, but inevitably she will be confronted with her own unresolved problems and traumas at the latest during menopause.
The menopause is just the trigger regarding these resurfacing problems in order to show the agony of the inner child, and it’s all about that child. She turns the already existing and latent problem outward. This is a unique chance for the woman to become aware of the themes of the disrupted womanhood.
As a man you should listen to your woman and be there for her when she needs help or support. It is a matter of course for married couples to be there for each other. It’s impossible or very difficult for men to empathize with the emotional inner world of the woman because it is not their world. Aligning with their nature they tend to present possible solutions. That is their form of support. It’s up to the woman to take up these proposals and implement them. In problematic situations however, women need someone who listens to them and puts himself in their position. As a true man you are simply there for your woman and therefore signal, that you take care of her. Simply pamper her. Tell her that you love her just the way she is. Make it clear to her that you admire her as a woman. This will do her good. Show her that you stand by her side at any given moment in this very important life stage of a woman.
In our therapies time and time again, we have had very good experiences resolving these issues. First off, it is all about becoming aware about what issues still linger hidden smouldering, things that have been done to you. This is always the toughest step. But, if this step is completed, then all the emotions that have been supressed all those years like anger, wrath, hate, or contempt come to the surface, especially regarding old traumas or issues with the parents. With MET (the technique that we use) these burdening and straining emotions can be resolved very quickly (and permanently). The past is no longer repressed but comes to a point of closure and is a memory from there on, a memory that no longer causes any ailment in the here and now.
If either mood swings or the physical symptoms, both are a good starting point to reach deeper issues and to bring the woman in an emotional and physical balance. And after that, the menopause can become that what it should be: the elegant and dignified transition to the Matron, or as she is called on Mallorca for instance, the Madona, the wise and venerable woman, the matriarch along the patriarch of the family.
Rainer and Ramon Franke.
Photo by Shawnee D
Men Understanding Menopause. Menopause. Mental Wellbeing.
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